This is the reality of prematurity

Although you will hear me be all sunshine and rainbows about my son (how I love him and I wouldn't change anything about him for the world, which I still wouldn't) here is the reality of prematurity.  I feel amazingly blessed to have a "normal" full term pregnancy before my preterm pregnancy.  However, having that wonderful nearly uneventful pregnancy also made me painfully aware of everything that I missed and was robbed of during my preterm pregnancy. 

The photo you see above was the last picture taken of my pregnant with Gunner.  I was 28 weeks along.  28 weeks, that is 12 weeks before my due date.  This was the morning of the day that my water broke.  Later that afternoon I was admitted to the hospital, not to be discharged until I had a baby, which at that point, they thought was imminent.  One of the things I missed was taking a weekly picture of my belly to see how it grew or having professional pictures taken, like I did with Greyson. Yes, I know, in comparison to my son breathing, this is very very petty.

 This picture again, we are all smiles.  It was Mother's Day 2009.  A day we should be celebrating, especially with an upcoming birth (that was supposed to be 2 months away) The reality of this is, I was stuck in a hospital bed over an hour from my home with infrequent visitors and a lot of solitude.  Solitude and worry that drove a person who is generally positive and optimistic to be worried, unsettled, and depressed.  Depressed to the point that at the 4 week mark, my mental health state required medication and monitoring.

I love my baby boy.  He was a giant considering the other babies he was near in the NICU.  A giant at 4 lbs.  My full term baby was described to me by many as "the smallest baby I have ever seen" well, now I had one upped that, with an even smaller baby.  I have very few pictures of Gunner with all of his wires and tubes, simply because I didn't want to remember it.  But the reality is, if I don't remember it, no one else will either.  If I don't remember and share this experience, there will be even more babies like Gunner.  Babies born too soon because the general perception of a preemie is a "small baby" who will be "fine" after awhile.  While that is generally true, it certianly doesn't reflect the reality of the day in and day out life of a preemie parent .

As I said, I was blessed with a relatively uncomplicated pregnancy before Gunner's birth.  I was blessed to have a baby that could room in with me, nurse for hours on end, to change a diaper without assistance, to have my only worry be if and when I may get some sleep again.  As you can see above, the parenting of a preemie is very different.  You are a visitor instead of a parent.  There is no 24-hour responsibility, because you just can't be there the whole time.  Especially if you are balancing the care of a 2 year old with that.

You have to wash for 30 seconds just to go in (with soap that if I smell now still takes me back)  You have to take a temperature every care session.  That is the only time you feed or diaper the baby, or you might overstimulate them to the point that they have spells where their heart rate drops or they forget to breathe.  You can't just nurse them, you have to see what they can handle at that moment.  You see progress and then the next time you are there you see regression.  You feel that the only thing you can do to really help them is to be up at all hours of the day and night pumping.  Wow.  That was verbal diarreah.  But the reality comes through; the parenting of a premature child is not an easy road.  This is parenting with a child who was able to breathe on his own.  I cannot imagine having a baby born so soon he couldn't breathe or touch as his skin is so sensitive it may rub off with a gentle touch.

All of that being said, I am reminded of my committment to the March of Dimes.  I am so firmly committed because this organization works tirelessly to help raise the funds necessary to research all of the things that can help end prematurity and help the babies born too soon.  So today, remember all of the babies born too soon, like Gunner.  But also remember and cherish your own children as well, because chances are they are all March of Dimes babies. 

What, you didn't have a preemie, so the MOD didn't have anything to do with your pregnancy or child?  If you refrained from drinking (1970's) or smoking (1970's) or took a prenatal vitamin daily (1990's) your child is a March of Dimes baby.  The years in ()'s are the years in which the March of Dimes' funded research told us not to drink, smoke, and to get daily folic acid in our diet.  So I have two March of Dimes babies.  A full-termer and a preemie.