Lessons in Parenting

I am a two-time mommy. I knew what to expect with the birth of my second child. What I expected was not what happened. After six weeks of hospital bedrest, I gave birth to my youngest at 33 weeks. Everything I "expected" and knew went out the window.  One of the things that resonates to me still is that I didn't feel like a parent (in the same way) when Gunner was in the NICU.  I felt like a visitor.

I had diapered a child before. I learned to diaper a child smaller than the baby dolls I had as a child. I learned to manuever around the wires to prevent false alarms that still sent a shock thru my being.

I had breastfed a child before. I learned that preemies born before 34 weeks don't eat on their own. They lack the suck/swallow reflex and then when you add remembering to breathe in there, it take much longer. I learned to determine when and if he could handle nursing and for how long so that he may finish a feeding orally as opposed to through a tube in his nose.

I had snuggled a baby before. I learned the benefits of Kangaroo care. Each time I would hold my son all of his respiratory and pulmonary functions regulated. He became one with me. His temperature controlled, his breathing regular, slow and peaceful.

I had woken in the middle of the night to check if my child was still breathing before. I learned that I would call nightly when I was pumping (typically 3 am) to see if my child had gained, had breathing spells, etc. since I had left him in the hospital.

I had bathed a child before. I learned to bathe a child in a bedpan no basin no bigger than a bedpan and still he looked like he was in a kiddie pool. A process that required two people.

I had a c-section and an extended stay at the hospital, taking my son home after 4 days before. I learned what it felt like to leave your heart (child) at the hospital and not take him home for another 6 weeks.

I had flowers, visitors, and baby gifts sent to us before. I learned who was really there for us and could handle this new challenge we were embarking on. They still visited, sent flowers and gifts and treated this as it should be, a celebration, a little early, but a celebration.

The NICU experience certainly taught me that things are out of your control. Even when you do everything right, there is no gaurantee.