Gunner's Walking!

Gunner took his first official steps on 10/8/10.  On 10/10/10, caught it on film.  Today, 10/30/10, he has been spontaneously walking all over the house.  No hand holding, no cruising, just picking up and walking.  Not just a few steps, but walking from one side of the room to the other.

2011 Ambassador Family

The greatest honor that I can think of (short of being the mother of a preemie) is to tell his story.  Our family has been asked by the Kalamazoo chapter of the March of Dimes to be 2011's Ambassador Family.

What does this mean?  It simply means, I get to tell Gunner's Story.  I get to tell it at the March for Babies event, Signature Chef's Auction, and Prematurity Awareness Events.  The hope is that his story will motivate and inspire people to help the March of Dimes in their mission to help every baby get their full 9 months.

Honestly, my first thought was "are we the best choice?"  Do we deserve such an honor?  Is there another family that had a more inspiring  story (read:  harder NICU road and developmental struggles)?  Really, Gunner is a 33 weeker.  He was for the most part a feeder/grower.  But then I have to remind myself, I will **never discount anyone's experience with prematurity** including my own.

I was quickly reminded that even though Gunner didn't have the hardest road to travel, there were reasons why we may be a great choice:

• I first gave to the MOD when I was 17.  I was working at KMart and March for Babies was called WalkAmerica, I was young and didn't know what the mission was, but it was promoted as a good thing.  I donated in the form of payroll deduction.
• We embody the mission of the March of Dimes, from following to Dr's advice given in routine prenatal care (based on research funded by the March of Dimes) to learning about the possibility that my preterm baby may need surfactant to help his lungs stay inflated (More MOD research at work)
• Gunner could have been a 28 weeker...but I rested in the hospital for 6 weeks, letting him bake longer AND it was MOD research that aided in the treatment of my pPROM
• I planned on doing a walk with each of my pregnancies, because by then March for Babies had a personal meaning.  With Greyson I missed it because of graduation, with Gunner, I missed it because my water broke (more than 3 months too soon)
• As a mom who has been there and an educator who has to talk to people daily, I can do the job, which is speaking from the heart and inspiring forward movement of the mission.

The Mission of the March of Dimes is to make sure every baby has his/her full 9 months.  There is not a day in the womb that is not needed, whether it be an earlier term day or a later term day, every baby needs every day.  Some of the latest research is looking at the consequences of 39 week c-sections.  (39 WEEKS, what I wouldn't have done to get to 39 weeks with Gunner!)  But, again, those last seven days are needed.  So again I remind myself, prematurity is devastating regardless of the gestational age (even though 37 weeks is considered "full term") of the baby.  Any mom who has to leave a baby in the hospital knows that.

Allergies suck, part 2

Today, we had another delightful (smell sarcasam) trip to the allergist.  As Gunner is allergic to eggs and they grow the flu shot in eggs, he has to have it administered there.  Here was a run down of the fun:

9:10 pick up pediatric dose of flu vaccine
9:35 arrive at allergist
9:45 meet with allergist (who speaks english, but is very hard to understand) explaining to him why we are there
10:00 test for serum reaction
10:15 check for reaction.  ok to do a partial injection, inject 1/5 of the shot
10:30 check for reaction
10:45 check again, administer more of the injection (poke 3)

By this time, Gunner has figured out when 2 nurses walk in, he is getting poked.  And he is NOT happy.

11:00 check for reaction...at this point he has super flushed cheeks and is hot and kinda wheezy
11:15 recheck
11:30 recheck...asked how close we lived to a hospital and if we had an epi pen..reassuring much?

So at 11:45 he zonks out.  Sleeps until 2:40..needless to say with the question we were asked on the way out, I was checking on him about every 30 minutes, very similar to the newborn neuroticism that is even more intensified when you have a preemie, you know...the breathing checking?  fun.  yeah, fun.

The one bright moment of the appointment was when the nurse was going to poke him and she notes "At least he has meaty thighs!"  To the mom of a 33 week preemie, it was the one good thing I heard.

"Mom"

Mom is a role, a job, and an honorary title. Mother (egg carrier) does not equal mom. I honestly do not think one grasps what Mom means until they are one. Once that happens, your world changes; you are now the protector supreme of someone more important than you. You live, breathe, and would do anything to support or provide for that child. I believe, this position in life transcends all others. I know that regardless of wherever my children are or however old they are or how strained my relationship may be with them I will always feel this way. I will always be there if they should need me. Forever their Mommy I will be.

Last summer I was in a position that was the most helpless and frightening that I have ever experienced in my entire adult life. I was in a place where my role as mom may have changed or even been taken from me. Spending six weeks unsure and unaware of what would happen to my child, confined to a hospital room, alone most days for 23 plus hours, taught me who was there to support me when I needed it most.

As I said, the love for a child transcends any other feeling in your life. When your child is in danger, nothing else really matters. As I spent countless of hours in the NICU after Gunner was born at 33 weeks, I witnessed traumatic things I would never wish on anyone. Things that unless you were there and see it you could never understand. Some that are painfully hard to forget include, seeing multiple failed IV attempts over the course of 1 ½ hours, which I could not even bring myself to watch. I would wander the halls, breaking down in tears in the hallway with each failed attempt and a new attempt at insertion, not caring who saw. Seeing and hearing alarms go off whenever his heart or respiration rate dipped because he was too young to remember how to breathe. Feeding him through a tube placed in his mouth or nose, as opposed to being able to nurse or bottle feed him. Calling the hospital in the middle of the night just to check on him, finding out he had spells (of breathing cessation) or had lost weight instead of gained, during a middle of the night pumping session (in which you are doing the only thing that you can to actually help your child). Loosing sleep, pumping every 2-3 hours of the day or night, sleeping no more than 5 hours each night.

Me, as an individual did not matter; all I was concerned with was my child and his well-being; again, a very vulnerable and frightening time in my life, where the health and survival of my child was in someone else’s hands.  So during this time, again, you learn who you can really count on. In retrospect, at this point, it meant nothing if someone had visited me or sent me flowers, it was all about Gunner. Just a call or email or recognition of his birth, while not full term and health uncertain, meant the world to me. Or any suport that could be offered for my family that I was leaving behind to care for this fragile child. 

If I didn’t get these, I felt I knew what that meant and that was ok, it just wasn’t a relationship that I needed to maintain, or one I could maintain with the effort the other person had exerted. So I concentrated my effort on doing what I could to bring my child home and then once home what I could do to keep him out of the hospital. Essential relationships where someone was able to reach out to me flourished, those that required me to initiate the contact extinguished, as the work of mother of a premature baby is never done. Feeding, sleeping, snuggling and holding are all different, not to mention child care arrangements, doctor type and number of appointments.  I did this all while working a full-time (graciously with PT hours) job as I provide the health insurance for the family.  So, if someone didn’t make time for me, I couldn’t find time to make for them.

Two days...

I am trying my best not to publicly proclaim it, but it is 5:30am and I still have TWO sleeping boys.  Two sleeping boys that have been sleeping since about 9pm.  Yes, two nights in a row, KNOCK ON WOOD, do not jinx it, Gunner has slept through the night.  Oh my.  My body doesn't know what to do with this surplus of sleep....guess I will use it to blog about my boys.

How does your preemie grow so well?

The boy eats.  And eats.  And eats some more.  Gunner is pretty much a bottomless pit.  The running joke at dinner is that he eats Greyson under the table.  Just last night he had a tray of food, but he was absolutely begging for my food.  If this doesn't say it all....

Note:  this WAS Greyson's hamburger...

Fall fun picture post

It had to have been one of the very best fall weekends for color and weather...I took it all in with my boys!  Here is the fun we had!

Maybe I went overboard...but I love those boys!

Pumpkin Fun!

 The boys love pumpkins...seriously, you should see them play with them like they are toys meant for them to
entertain themselves with!  They liked them so much, we went back again and did the hayride and all.  Needless to say, I have too many pumpkins at my house, 6 last time I counted.

First steps

It has happened!  At 16 months, Gunner too his first unassisted steps.  This has not occurred since, but on Friday, October 9, 2010, Gunner took two steps to Mommy and two steps to Daddy.  He does a lot of standing purposefully, squatting to standing, but not much of the walking stuff yet.

This of course has been on the back of my mind.  Wondering...when?  I say this for a few reasons, one due to mommyhood, we all compare our kids.  Greyson was walking by the time he hit 10 months.  Yes, 10 months.  And that was the first time I captured it on camera.  Doing what Gunner is now, he was 9 months.  Then the other reason, the prematurity and adjusting ages and all that.  I just wondered when.  Don't get me wrong....I have enjoyed every moment and never really wanted to push him thru any milestone (except the sleeping all night one).  But I was starting to get a little concerned, because they said at this 15 month check-up if he wasn't walking by his 18 month, we would get referred to EI.  So, I was starting to get nervous.

Now I am not nervous, but worried about keeping up with TWO BOYS.  Yikes.  They say you don't get what you can't handle...hope they are right.

Beach 2010

We made our annual trip to Myrtle Beach this year and it was amazing, just like all other years!  I just love comparing one year to the next and seeing how the boys grow and change.  Here are some amazing pictures of the guys that will tell a story of their own.

 These are my beachy boys...all three of them absolutely love the sand, sun, and surf!

The boys in the pool...we have our hands FULL with these waterbugs!

 

 I think that Greyson's transformation from last year to this was just amazing.  Heck, even just 3 weeks before we went to the beach, he was afraid to go under water and jump off the side of the pool.  You cannot get him out of some kind of water when we were at the beach.  Jumping off, going under water, riding the waves, he was unstoppable.

 Late night crabbing with the Daddies!  They were gone so long that we thought something bad had happened, when in reality, they were just having a BLAST!

 Cousins...best friends or bitter rivals?  How about both, depending on the day or moment!  Keegan and Greyson so close in age make for interesting play!

 Last year, Gunner was 12 weeks actual, 5 adjusted when we went to the beach.  The closest he got to sand was on the balcony of the 14th floor in his 50 spf tent. This year, the boy played in the sand, pool, and water, ate sand (much to my dismay), toddled with hands through the surf.  His change from last year (sleeping thru anything fun) to this year was nothing less than amazing.

 Always have to make time for some arcade play, even if it is blazing hot in there...the kids (and big kids) love it!

Allergries stink...

Today, we did our annual allergy testing for Greyson and initial testing for Gunner.  Greyson has been allergic to milk since his first birthday.  The nasty reaction seen below was the result of a cheeto innocently shared by his older cousin.  This was how we found out he was allergic to milk...well something and it prompted our getting him tested.

So, what did we find out this year?  Greyson had a skin test for just milk.  They tested with the extract and fresh milk, which is supposed to be more reactive.  He had a little itching at the site, but no noticeable reaction.  They actually deemed it a NEGATIVE reaction, which means he shouldn't be allergic to milk. 

So on to the food challenge.  This entailed dipping a tongue depresser in milk and touching it to his tounge.  They wait 15 minutes to see what happens.  At about the 15 minute mark, Greyson starts itching his eyes and I notice a little puff in his upper lip.  They give him some benadryl.  We are waiting for our paperwork and I notice his cheeks under his eyes are puffing up.  This earns him an epi-pen injection and a dose of a steriod to counteract the allergen.  So, despite the negative skin testing, a positive food challenge, told us he is still allergic to milk, but outgrowing it.  Maybe next year.

Gunner had his first test.  They did the traditional 6 panel test, which tests for the most allergen prone foods.  He had a significant reaction to eggs, but no milk.  This actually doesn't surprise me, as Greyson was allergic to eggs his first year too.  So, I have wearily started introducing milk to him to see what happens.  I am mixing a 1:4 ratio on the milk and thus far no reaction.  He has also had some yogurt melts with no reaction.  I don't know what to do with a child that is not allergic to milk!

My little firecrackers

On July 3rd, the boys and I enjoyed one of my childhood traditions....the Schoolcraft 4th of July Parade.  Greyson focused on all the activity and thought that the candy collection was a great sport.  Gunner, strapped on me ala Moby Wrap, danced and clapped and babbled the whole time.  He absolutely loved it and was very content...not that you can tell by the above pic. :)

Greyson had his first pony ride...up till now he was terrified of most animals in cages, so this is a HUGE step.  The fair might actually be fun this year!

After the parade, we stopped at the UMC in Schoolcraft for a hot dog...Greyson mowed his down!

Here is the boys waiting for the parade to begin!

Food Exploration...

Little Gunner has been quite the pioneer in trying new foods lately.  He has had a ton of "big people food" mostly pureed, but some have been finger sized for self-feeding.  He has eaten (not all at one setting) pasta salad with broccoli and cucumber (puree), baked beans, sloppy joe meat/sauce, pasta, kiwi, spaghetti (puree), the list goes on. His favorite has to have been the avacado/guacamole and celery sticks that he loved gnawing on at Chili's!

I think he is going to be a good (not picky) eater like his brother.  He still loves his milk, but he is opting for lots of real food too!

Random Cuteness....

Let's see, cute things my boys did this week:

Gunner got the hiccups.  He would hiccup and then laugh after every.single.one.  Randomly cute!

Greyson has shifted all focus from his birthday to Father's day...now everyday is father's day.  Wait till next weekend...Daddy's birthday!  A new focus.  On that note I asked him what he thought daddy would like for his birthday, his reply "well, maybe a special gun"  lol  what a cutie.  Randomly cute!

Gunner tried spaghetti, courtesy of the magic bullet...he loves it.  When he sees food in general (bowl with spoon) he flaps his hands so hard he might take flight.  Randomly Cute!

Greyson set up his Toy Story toys with his big standees from his party...see photo.  Randomly Cute!

Here are some randomly cute photos:

Baby Gunner in his big boy seat.  I cleaned and sanitized it, it is ready to go.  I am just debating when I am ready to give up the containment and fall asleep ability of the infant seat.  He definitely fits this one better than the infant seat he was once swimming in...ugh.  What a big boy he has become.  He will still be rear-facing, but this seat will be in my car soon.

Big brother Greyson with his party guests Woody and Buzz...he loves these guys!

Officially Teething, Water Time!

One year, two weeks and 3 days...we officially have a tooth beginning to emerge (well at least you can see the eruption in the gum and a hint of white below)  Welcome to teething hell.  My angel baby is not happy now unless he is distracted from the fact that his teethers hurt, this means water time, socks (don't ask me why, but they make him very happy), and ice cream or something else cold on his gums.

Greyson and Gunner spent about an hour in the kiddie pool today, I was sure they would be pruned everywhere.  They were so cute.  Here are some awesome pics from today's water time...

Gunner tries Ice Cream

We all know that Greyson is allergic to milk...so I have been super careful with Gunner.  I am praying he has more of his Daddy's genes in that area than mine as the milk allergy seems to run on my side.  The ice cream that Greyson can have is allergen free.  So he was not exposted to milk, egg, soy or in this kind, even sugar.  So allergen-anal mom is happy and as you can see, Gunner is too.  He absolutely LOVED the stuff.

Birthday Party Central

Do you know what happens when you have two birthdays 12 days apart? Holy party overload. Yes, both of our boys are June babies, so we have one busy June for the rest of our lives!

June started with a bang with Gunner's first birthday celebration...Greyson and I are up early making the cupcakes...lots and lots of cupcakes!


The birthday boy wakes up from his nap and the party is ready to begin! Note that little man was fighting a bad ear infection (he was on his 4th day of anitbiotics) so he looks sleepy in every picture, which is not himself! In the sharing of the pics, I am hearing "he looks like his Mimi"

Here is Gunner's cake, made very carefully to be allergen free (no milk or eggs) lest we relive Greyson's first birthday allergen attack. The pictres are before, during and after him enjoying it!

We also had the opportunity to get a four generation shot at the party, here is Great Grama Mattheis, Grampa Mattheis, Mommy, and the birthday boy...big brother was too involved in the festivities to be in the pic!
Here is his first gift....

Sappy Saturday...my baby's birthday

One year ago today, I was blessed with the miracle of a second son.  A son that in the last year has dramatically changed my life.  The sound of his first cry was even more remarkable than his brother's, as we didn't even know what or how he would be due to his early birth.  I remember the perilous fear of not knowing...if I could turn back time and ease my mind each day in the hospital, oh I would.

As I said, this boy has completely changed my life, for the better I would like to think.  Some amazing things he has done this year include:

• He has hit all his milestones according to his adjusted age (2 months later than his actual)
• He is almost 20 lbs and has been on the full term baby charts for months
• He has made his family active in the mission of the March of Dimes, doing our first (annual) walk and rasing over $3000 for the babies of the Kalamazoo/Battle Creek area
• He has inspired Mommy to become a milk donor all proceeds to healthy preemie babies in Michigan
• He has made the nurses at Bronson and Spectrum very happy when they received their goodies during Nurse's Appreciation Week.
• He has made the preemie mom's days day with the delivery of an gender appropriate preemie sized outfit for Mother's Day

 For reminisince sake, this is my little man just a year ago...

 

And this is my BIG boy as of today...

Gunner can sit unassisted, crawl, he pulls to a stand any chance he gets, he babbles with the sweetest sounds of ma ma ma and da da da and many more, he points, he gestures, he gets excited when he sees something he wants, he loves to be outside (waves his hands the minute you get near the door), he adores his big brother, he has to be the happiest baby I have ever seen (or had), he loves his doggies and parents.  He is a very very special boy that I consider myself blessed to have.  And honestly, this is hard to say as I know there were portions of this last year that were tough and downright awful, but if it meant he wasn't exactly who he was, I wouldn't change a thing.  I would go thru hell for this boy...and probably already have!

Happy birthday baby boy!