Gunner took his first official steps on 10/8/10. On 10/10/10, caught it on film. Today, 10/30/10, he has been spontaneously walking all over the house. No hand holding, no cruising, just picking up and walking. Not just a few steps, but walking from one side of the room to the other.
Saturday, October 30, 2010
2011 Ambassador Family
The greatest honor that I can think of (short of being the mother of a preemie) is to tell his story. Our family has been asked by the Kalamazoo chapter of the March of Dimes to be 2011's Ambassador Family.
What does this mean? It simply means, I get to tell Gunner's Story. I get to tell it at the March for Babies event, Signature Chef's Auction, and Prematurity Awareness Events. The hope is that his story will motivate and inspire people to help the March of Dimes in their mission to help every baby get their full 9 months.
Honestly, my first thought was "are we the best choice?" Do we deserve such an honor? Is there another family that had a more inspiring story (read: harder NICU road and developmental struggles)? Really, Gunner is a 33 weeker. He was for the most part a feeder/grower. But then I have to remind myself, I will **never discount anyone's experience with prematurity** including my own.
I was quickly reminded that even though Gunner didn't have the hardest road to travel, there were reasons why we may be a great choice:
What does this mean? It simply means, I get to tell Gunner's Story. I get to tell it at the March for Babies event, Signature Chef's Auction, and Prematurity Awareness Events. The hope is that his story will motivate and inspire people to help the March of Dimes in their mission to help every baby get their full 9 months.
Honestly, my first thought was "are we the best choice?" Do we deserve such an honor? Is there another family that had a more inspiring story (read: harder NICU road and developmental struggles)? Really, Gunner is a 33 weeker. He was for the most part a feeder/grower. But then I have to remind myself, I will **never discount anyone's experience with prematurity** including my own.
I was quickly reminded that even though Gunner didn't have the hardest road to travel, there were reasons why we may be a great choice:
- I first gave to the MOD when I was 17. I was working at KMart and March for Babies was called WalkAmerica, I was young and didn't know what the mission was, but it was promoted as a good thing. I donated in the form of payroll deduction.
- We embody the mission of the March of Dimes, from following to Dr's advice given in routine prenatal care (based on research funded by the March of Dimes) to learning about the possibility that my preterm baby may need surfactant to help his lungs stay inflated (More MOD research at work)
- Gunner could have been a 28 weeker...but I rested in the hospital for 6 weeks, letting him bake longer AND it was MOD research that aided in the treatment of my pPROM
- I planned on doing a walk with each of my pregnancies, because by then March for Babies had a personal meaning. With Greyson I missed it because of graduation, with Gunner, I missed it because my water broke (more than 3 months too soon)
- As a mom who has been there and an educator who has to talk to people daily, I can do the job, which is speaking from the heart and inspiring forward movement of the mission.
Sunday, October 24, 2010
More allergies...
Greyson has informed me that he, in addition to being allergic to milk, he is allergic to girls. In his words, "they make me sick" How funny is that? Out of the mouths of babes.
Guess this means he is growing up! He has hit the "girls have cooties" stage.
Speaking of growing up, he had his first overnight sleepover last night. Yes, I am that mom. I took pictures of him with his overnight bag, with his cousin (who was also sleeping over) and of him in the car (even though he was not looking, he was already on the way!)..sigh. My baby is growing up.
Guess this means he is growing up! He has hit the "girls have cooties" stage.
Speaking of growing up, he had his first overnight sleepover last night. Yes, I am that mom. I took pictures of him with his overnight bag, with his cousin (who was also sleeping over) and of him in the car (even though he was not looking, he was already on the way!)..sigh. My baby is growing up.
Friday, October 22, 2010
Allergies suck, part 2
Today, we had another delightful (smell sarcasam) trip to the allergist. As Gunner is allergic to eggs and they grow the flu shot in eggs, he has to have it administered there. Here was a run down of the fun:
9:10 pick up pediatric dose of flu vaccine
9:35 arrive at allergist
9:45 meet with allergist (who speaks english, but is very hard to understand) explaining to him why we are there
10:00 test for serum reaction
10:15 check for reaction. ok to do a partial injection, inject 1/5 of the shot
10:30 check for reaction
10:45 check again, administer more of the injection (poke 3)
By this time, Gunner has figured out when 2 nurses walk in, he is getting poked. And he is NOT happy.
11:00 check for reaction...at this point he has super flushed cheeks and is hot and kinda wheezy
11:15 recheck
11:30 recheck...asked how close we lived to a hospital and if we had an epi pen..reassuring much?
So at 11:45 he zonks out. Sleeps until 2:40..needless to say with the question we were asked on the way out, I was checking on him about every 30 minutes, very similar to the newborn neuroticism that is even more intensified when you have a preemie, you know...the breathing checking? fun. yeah, fun.
The one bright moment of the appointment was when the nurse was going to poke him and she notes "At least he has meaty thighs!" To the mom of a 33 week preemie, it was the one good thing I heard.
9:10 pick up pediatric dose of flu vaccine
9:35 arrive at allergist
9:45 meet with allergist (who speaks english, but is very hard to understand) explaining to him why we are there
10:00 test for serum reaction
10:15 check for reaction. ok to do a partial injection, inject 1/5 of the shot
10:30 check for reaction
10:45 check again, administer more of the injection (poke 3)
By this time, Gunner has figured out when 2 nurses walk in, he is getting poked. And he is NOT happy.
11:00 check for reaction...at this point he has super flushed cheeks and is hot and kinda wheezy
11:15 recheck
11:30 recheck...asked how close we lived to a hospital and if we had an epi pen..reassuring much?
So at 11:45 he zonks out. Sleeps until 2:40..needless to say with the question we were asked on the way out, I was checking on him about every 30 minutes, very similar to the newborn neuroticism that is even more intensified when you have a preemie, you know...the breathing checking? fun. yeah, fun.
The one bright moment of the appointment was when the nurse was going to poke him and she notes "At least he has meaty thighs!" To the mom of a 33 week preemie, it was the one good thing I heard.
Marketing FAIL.
So I go to the mail today to get the mail. Whatever do I find in there? An American Girl catalog. Do I look like a mom who needs an American Girl catalog?
Uh, nope. I have no girls, will have no girls, so why do I get this catalog? However, it does make me wonder, do moms of girls wonder what it would be like to have a boy? Or want a boy? Honestly, I have always said I wanted boys. I guess I got my wish. But, when you are told you are having a girl (that lasted less than 24 hours mind you) and in that time frame already have a name (since you are told that baby is coming TODAY) I think it is natural to wonder. What if? Or what would it be like. I would not trade Gunner for any girl in the world, unless of course he really was a she, little Jillian Elyse. That was what we planned on naming him (her) when my water broke on May 6th.
Disclaimer: This is the bored musings of a mother to boys who has been with them all day and now most of the evening as we enter deer hunting widow-dom.
Uh, nope. I have no girls, will have no girls, so why do I get this catalog? However, it does make me wonder, do moms of girls wonder what it would be like to have a boy? Or want a boy? Honestly, I have always said I wanted boys. I guess I got my wish. But, when you are told you are having a girl (that lasted less than 24 hours mind you) and in that time frame already have a name (since you are told that baby is coming TODAY) I think it is natural to wonder. What if? Or what would it be like. I would not trade Gunner for any girl in the world, unless of course he really was a she, little Jillian Elyse. That was what we planned on naming him (her) when my water broke on May 6th.
Disclaimer: This is the bored musings of a mother to boys who has been with them all day and now most of the evening as we enter deer hunting widow-dom.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
"Mom"
Mom is a role, a job, and an honorary title. Mother (egg carrier) does not equal mom. I honestly do not think one grasps what Mom means until they are one. Once that happens, your world changes; you are now the protector supreme of someone more important than you. You live, breathe, and would do anything to support or provide for that child. I believe, this position in life transcends all others. I know that regardless of wherever my children are or however old they are or how strained my relationship may be with them I will always feel this way. I will always be there if they should need me. Forever their Mommy I will be.
Last summer I was in a position that was the most helpless and frightening that I have ever experienced in my entire adult life. I was in a place where my role as mom may have changed or even been taken from me. Spending six weeks unsure and unaware of what would happen to my child, confined to a hospital room, alone most days for 23 plus hours, taught me who was there to support me when I needed it most.
As I said, the love for a child transcends any other feeling in your life. When your child is in danger, nothing else really matters. As I spent countless of hours in the NICU after Gunner was born at 33 weeks, I witnessed traumatic things I would never wish on anyone. Things that unless you were there and see it you could never understand. Some that are painfully hard to forget include, seeing multiple failed IV attempts over the course of 1 ½ hours, which I could not even bring myself to watch. I would wander the halls, breaking down in tears in the hallway with each failed attempt and a new attempt at insertion, not caring who saw. Seeing and hearing alarms go off whenever his heart or respiration rate dipped because he was too young to remember how to breathe. Feeding him through a tube placed in his mouth or nose, as opposed to being able to nurse or bottle feed him. Calling the hospital in the middle of the night just to check on him, finding out he had spells (of breathing cessation) or had lost weight instead of gained, during a middle of the night pumping session (in which you are doing the only thing that you can to actually help your child). Loosing sleep, pumping every 2-3 hours of the day or night, sleeping no more than 5 hours each night.
Me, as an individual did not matter; all I was concerned with was my child and his well-being; again, a very vulnerable and frightening time in my life, where the health and survival of my child was in someone else’s hands. So during this time, again, you learn who you can really count on. In retrospect, at this point, it meant nothing if someone had visited me or sent me flowers, it was all about Gunner. Just a call or email or recognition of his birth, while not full term and health uncertain, meant the world to me. Or any suport that could be offered for my family that I was leaving behind to care for this fragile child.
If I didn’t get these, I felt I knew what that meant and that was ok, it just wasn’t a relationship that I needed to maintain, or one I could maintain with the effort the other person had exerted. So I concentrated my effort on doing what I could to bring my child home and then once home what I could do to keep him out of the hospital. Essential relationships where someone was able to reach out to me flourished, those that required me to initiate the contact extinguished, as the work of mother of a premature baby is never done. Feeding, sleeping, snuggling and holding are all different, not to mention child care arrangements, doctor type and number of appointments. I did this all while working a full-time (graciously with PT hours) job as I provide the health insurance for the family. So, if someone didn’t make time for me, I couldn’t find time to make for them.
Last summer I was in a position that was the most helpless and frightening that I have ever experienced in my entire adult life. I was in a place where my role as mom may have changed or even been taken from me. Spending six weeks unsure and unaware of what would happen to my child, confined to a hospital room, alone most days for 23 plus hours, taught me who was there to support me when I needed it most.
As I said, the love for a child transcends any other feeling in your life. When your child is in danger, nothing else really matters. As I spent countless of hours in the NICU after Gunner was born at 33 weeks, I witnessed traumatic things I would never wish on anyone. Things that unless you were there and see it you could never understand. Some that are painfully hard to forget include, seeing multiple failed IV attempts over the course of 1 ½ hours, which I could not even bring myself to watch. I would wander the halls, breaking down in tears in the hallway with each failed attempt and a new attempt at insertion, not caring who saw. Seeing and hearing alarms go off whenever his heart or respiration rate dipped because he was too young to remember how to breathe. Feeding him through a tube placed in his mouth or nose, as opposed to being able to nurse or bottle feed him. Calling the hospital in the middle of the night just to check on him, finding out he had spells (of breathing cessation) or had lost weight instead of gained, during a middle of the night pumping session (in which you are doing the only thing that you can to actually help your child). Loosing sleep, pumping every 2-3 hours of the day or night, sleeping no more than 5 hours each night.
Me, as an individual did not matter; all I was concerned with was my child and his well-being; again, a very vulnerable and frightening time in my life, where the health and survival of my child was in someone else’s hands. So during this time, again, you learn who you can really count on. In retrospect, at this point, it meant nothing if someone had visited me or sent me flowers, it was all about Gunner. Just a call or email or recognition of his birth, while not full term and health uncertain, meant the world to me. Or any suport that could be offered for my family that I was leaving behind to care for this fragile child.
If I didn’t get these, I felt I knew what that meant and that was ok, it just wasn’t a relationship that I needed to maintain, or one I could maintain with the effort the other person had exerted. So I concentrated my effort on doing what I could to bring my child home and then once home what I could do to keep him out of the hospital. Essential relationships where someone was able to reach out to me flourished, those that required me to initiate the contact extinguished, as the work of mother of a premature baby is never done. Feeding, sleeping, snuggling and holding are all different, not to mention child care arrangements, doctor type and number of appointments. I did this all while working a full-time (graciously with PT hours) job as I provide the health insurance for the family. So, if someone didn’t make time for me, I couldn’t find time to make for them.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Two days...
I am trying my best not to publicly proclaim it, but it is 5:30am and I still have TWO sleeping boys. Two sleeping boys that have been sleeping since about 9pm. Yes, two nights in a row, KNOCK ON WOOD, do not jinx it, Gunner has slept through the night. Oh my. My body doesn't know what to do with this surplus of sleep....guess I will use it to blog about my boys.
Monday, October 18, 2010
Special days
October 15th and Novemeber 17th are special days to me. Special to the mission of the March of Dimes and to me as a parent. October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Rememberance Day and November 17th is Prematurity Awareness Day.
These days touch my heart as I cannot imagine a greater loss than that of a child, regardless of age or gestation and I cannot imagine a struggle more bittersweet than that of parenting a baby born prematurely. So, on Friday night I lit a single candle to remember all who have loved and lost as my private celebration of the moment.
As we approach November 17th, I will be attempting to raise awareness for the day that truly touches my heart and that of my son. If you should want to join me, please do. I took the following from the Blogger's Unite website, but all is true of my own situation.
Every year, 20 million babies are born too soon, too small and very sick-half a million of them in the U.S. November 17th is when we fight!
Do you know a baby who was born too soon, too small, unable to breathe or nurse on their own? With 1 in every 8 babies born prematurely, you probably do. While medical advances give some babies a chance of survival, for many babies premature birth is a life-or-death condition. Babies who survive can face serious health challenges and risk lifelong disabilities.
If you are reading this blog, you do. My son Gunner, born at 33 weeks. He is the picture of health now, but 16 months ago, he too was fighting for something...his life. He too was unable to eat on his own or able to control his temperature. He had to be monitored 24 hours a day, just in case he forgot to breathe on his own.
The rate of premature birth has risen more than 30 percent since 1981. In half the cases, we simply don’t understand what went wrong. The March of Dimes is leading the fight for answers. And, ultimately, preventions.
This is our situation. We have no idea why my water broke at 28 weeks. I did everything right, I teach devlopment, I know what to do and what not to do. But it still happened. The March of Dimes funds research to help figure that out, so that maybe another mom won't know the undue stress that having a baby too soon brings.
November 17 is dedicated to raising awareness of the crisis. Take 3 steps to help fight premature birth:
1. Visit marchofdimes.com/fight.
2. Put a badge on your blog to help spread the word.
3. On November 17, blog for a baby you love and to help others.
We need to fight ― because babies shouldn’t have to.
As we approach November 17th, I will be attempting to raise awareness for the day that truly touches my heart and that of my son. If you should want to join me, please do. I took the following from the Blogger's Unite website, but all is true of my own situation.
Every year, 20 million babies are born too soon, too small and very sick-half a million of them in the U.S. November 17th is when we fight!
Do you know a baby who was born too soon, too small, unable to breathe or nurse on their own? With 1 in every 8 babies born prematurely, you probably do. While medical advances give some babies a chance of survival, for many babies premature birth is a life-or-death condition. Babies who survive can face serious health challenges and risk lifelong disabilities.
If you are reading this blog, you do. My son Gunner, born at 33 weeks. He is the picture of health now, but 16 months ago, he too was fighting for something...his life. He too was unable to eat on his own or able to control his temperature. He had to be monitored 24 hours a day, just in case he forgot to breathe on his own.
The rate of premature birth has risen more than 30 percent since 1981. In half the cases, we simply don’t understand what went wrong. The March of Dimes is leading the fight for answers. And, ultimately, preventions.
This is our situation. We have no idea why my water broke at 28 weeks. I did everything right, I teach devlopment, I know what to do and what not to do. But it still happened. The March of Dimes funds research to help figure that out, so that maybe another mom won't know the undue stress that having a baby too soon brings.
November 17 is dedicated to raising awareness of the crisis. Take 3 steps to help fight premature birth:
1. Visit marchofdimes.com/fight.
2. Put a badge on your blog to help spread the word.
3. On November 17, blog for a baby you love and to help others.
We need to fight ― because babies shouldn’t have to.
How does your preemie grow so well?
The boy eats. And eats. And eats some more. Gunner is pretty much a bottomless pit. The running joke at dinner is that he eats Greyson under the table. Just last night he had a tray of food, but he was absolutely begging for my food. If this doesn't say it all....
Note: this WAS Greyson's hamburger...
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Fall fun picture post
It had to have been one of the very best fall weekends for color and weather...I took it all in with my boys! Here is the fun we had!
Maybe I went overboard...but I love those boys!
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Pumpkin Fun!
The boys love pumpkins...seriously, you should see them play with them like they are toys meant for them to
entertain themselves with! They liked them so much, we went back again and did the hayride and all. Needless to say, I have too many pumpkins at my house, 6 last time I counted.
entertain themselves with! They liked them so much, we went back again and did the hayride and all. Needless to say, I have too many pumpkins at my house, 6 last time I counted.
First steps
It has happened! At 16 months, Gunner too his first unassisted steps. This has not occurred since, but on Friday, October 9, 2010, Gunner took two steps to Mommy and two steps to Daddy. He does a lot of standing purposefully, squatting to standing, but not much of the walking stuff yet.
This of course has been on the back of my mind. Wondering...when? I say this for a few reasons, one due to mommyhood, we all compare our kids. Greyson was walking by the time he hit 10 months. Yes, 10 months. And that was the first time I captured it on camera. Doing what Gunner is now, he was 9 months. Then the other reason, the prematurity and adjusting ages and all that. I just wondered when. Don't get me wrong....I have enjoyed every moment and never really wanted to push him thru any milestone (except the sleeping all night one). But I was starting to get a little concerned, because they said at this 15 month check-up if he wasn't walking by his 18 month, we would get referred to EI. So, I was starting to get nervous.
Now I am not nervous, but worried about keeping up with TWO BOYS. Yikes. They say you don't get what you can't handle...hope they are right.
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Bad Mommy (about blogging that is)
This summer I got caught in a whirlwind of enjoying my boys...so much that I haven't even bothered to blog about it. Truthfully I miss it. It is my quiet celebration of all of their accomplishments and mundane day to day cuteness that makes my world go around. Stay tuned for some "retro posts"!
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